the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
