is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
