We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
