I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.