What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
