He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
