Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
