i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
