Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
