His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
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Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
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She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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