I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
