im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
FUCK WHALES
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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