Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
