I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
my god I love twenty year old dicks
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
