i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
