it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
