she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
