i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
