sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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