i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
