It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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