I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
