I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
