we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
