I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
