So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
