I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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