Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
