kristin has been a bad kristin
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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