So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
