My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
