I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
