Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
