i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
