just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
