sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
