how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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