We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
there's paper in my vomit.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
