we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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