I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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