What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His nipple licking is glorious
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