I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
