oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
