Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
