Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
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There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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