I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just come out here and I will go home with you...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
