So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
