all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
