You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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