Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
