the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
