Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
