I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line