Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need water and some morals