You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight