Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD