I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
