I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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