i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just invented taco cereal.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
