What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize