I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
