dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.