This girl is more easily done than said...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks