I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.