Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
