So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?