It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
well you can't waste a boner
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.