Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me

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(843): View more from South Carolina

woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(715): View more from Wisconsin

i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.

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(602): View more from Arizona

She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically

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(404): View more from Georgia

You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory

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(631): View more from New York

We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.

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