escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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