Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
