He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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