Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
