You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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