were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Randomize
