1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
