Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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