Where did you get a picture of my penis
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
