sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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