Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We are two peas in an std pod
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
