I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
