Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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