I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
